I Was My Biggest Obstacle

When I think of obstacles, I immediately envision a big wall or tangible “thing” that can’t be physically moved without help. It’s the big wall that you have to walk around to get to where you’re going.

Two years ago, I decided to take charge of the biggest obstacle in my life, which was obesity. Throughout this weight loss and fitness journey, there have been various obstacles along the way. Some are easily seen by the human eye such a steep hill that I really want to get to the top of, a heavy plate that I really want to be able to lift, a new class that I want to be able to finish. They are everywhere, and you just have to know where to find them, and how to overcome them.

As I look back and reflect, I realize that the biggest obstacle in all of this was ME. I am sometimes bothered by the idea that I had “wasted” so much time thinking and wanting to do this for myself, but couldn’t get past the idea of “I can’t.” I remember almost being embarrassed when I voiced the words “I am going to the gym” the first few times. Shame on me for allowing those thoughts to even come into play. That first trip to the gym was hard. I stepped into that fitness room of various machines and felt completely overwhelmed. Everyone around me was moving quicker than me, and on steeper inclines than me. I was a little intimidated and didn’t want to go back. But you push through it, and try to think that everyone here had a “first day.” This was an obstacle, a belief system that I had used for so long…too long.

That first step on the scale is one of the longest moments ever. As I waited to hear what my beginning weight was, I could feel myself wanting to crawl into that little ball and be invisible. But, I went back week after week…that was an obstacle that I was conquering. I had decided that I was tired of hiding behind the weight and shame. I didn’t want to be a prisoner in my own body anymore. 

Last October, I decided to enter my first 5K…this was huge! Never in my life did I think I would be a competitor, rather than just a spectator. In this past year, I have completed 7 races…thats 7 bibs that I have hung proudly in my home. I have been so excited and relieved after crossing the finishing line of each one.

Last weekend, I set out to conquer my toughest, longest race yet..The Down and Dirty Mud Run 10K. When I registered months ago, I remember thinking, “this is kind of crazy…how will I ever be able to do this?” However, I was so psyched by the possibility of completing this. I incorporated various classes such as Bootcamp, Spinning and Bodypump into my routine. My trainer, John Moljo helped me with endurance and strength exercises. He gave me both the physical preparation as well as emotional support system to say “You can do this Karen!” He, along with some other amazing cheerleaders (Jeff, Carla and Ashley) were going to run with me through this race. The thought of having them there that day to keep me going, keep me calm, and lend a smile or helping hand that day was a huge help that I truly appreciate.

The days leading up to that day were filled with both excitement and panic. I began to doubt myself and think that there was no way I would get through this.  Maybe I was in over my head. I went online to look at the course and 12 obstacles that were spread throughout. Some seemed okay to me, like the tunnel crawls, cargo net climbs, mud pit and low walls. Other obstacles, such as the high wall and rock climbing wall started to have me questioning my physical and emotional capabilities. The only way I can explain it is that after making any kind of major physical change to your body, it’s almost like you have to “train your brain” on how you perceive yourself and letting go of the past practices. 

I was always that person who played it safe and wanted to blend into the background. I had hidden behind the weight for so long, and didn’t think I was truly going to be able to accomplish this goal I had set out to do. I am here to tell you that I reached that finish line in 1 hour and 19 minutes! Although I am so pleased with the time it took to complete it, I am more proud of the idea that I did every obstacle, that I had amazing people there that day not only competing with me but cheering me on along the way!! There’s nothing like seeing your family and friends there to share in this moment with me. 

There are still obstacles that I tackle each day. I’ve made a great deal of progress, but am not finished yet. I still have physical weight as well as emotional barriers to conquer. If you told me that I would be training for this two years ago, I would have told you to buy a lottery ticket. You’d have a better chance of becoming a millionaire. We all have a warrior inside and sometimes you just have to let him/her out! There are obstacles everywhere, and some are more obvious than others. I work really hard, and don’t always win the daily battles. Whatever the obstacle may be, you may need to dig deep, and work even harder to tackling it.

They can be very discouraging and hard to rebound from. Sometimes the fear of failure is greater than the actual challenge. Life would easier without these roadblocks, but the accomplishments, pride and happiness that I feel now was well worth the fight. I am excited to see what’s next!

*John Moljo (my trainer) continues to help me work towards setting goals and striving for new accomplishments. .