PatchCast: Tyler Madoff's Parents Speak Out; Dozens Displaced in Building Fire

10506er July 12, 2012 at 02:57 pm

Will someone please explain to me the mentality behind family members feeling the need to be on TV after a grave loss? It boggles my mind. They lose their son but first, let's go on The Today Show? Sadly, I think it speaks volumes about our crazy media and 5 minutes of fame. Worse, these parents are dangling the threat of a lawsuit hoping, I bet, of making a settlement with the son's outing company. If this family felt the company was negligent, the last thing I would do would be do air that on TV. If I were serious, I'd sit with a lawyer and talk to the other side. I am sorry for this couple's loss but I am not happy that they've chosen to make themselves media darlings at the expense of their loss.

Lavender July 12, 2012 at 03:26 pm

I didn't see the broadcast in question, as I don't watch those kind of shows. I largely agree with what you're saying. But as for a reason? In some cases--certainly not all--and this might be one of them, it may be because they see that something wrong happened that caused them to lose a beloved family member and they want to get the word out as to what happened to possibly prevent others from suffering similar losses. As for the timing, now is the time that the Today Show and others are interested in hearing from the parents, not 6 months from now. So they (the parents/family members) take advantage of the interviews that are being requested, knowing they may not get that kind of coverage later.

10506er July 12, 2012 at 03:33 pm

Lavender: I understand your point. Well said, but I guess I feel sad that when something is wrong, families chose the media first. It's our TMZ mentality. It's as if the family is hoping to get more money or leverage from the outing company from the TV shows than they would handling it internally. I do disagree about one point. Any story that has merit now will have merit months from now, in terms of preventing others from such a loss.

Heron July 12, 2012 at 04:32 pm

They said that they went on the Today Show to warn other parents about sending your kids on summer programs without knowing much about the people running them. I've been reading the stories about this, and it does sound like the teen tour group was negligient. It's a horrible horrible tragic story and it may be that they are in so much grief and so numb that talking to the Today Show could seem like a help. They must also be INCREDIBLY angry, and telling millions of people that this group caused the death of their son is a way of expressing that.

Theresa July 12, 2012 at 04:39 pm

Watch the interview. The parents have a right & a duty to speak publicly about the details. Their main purpose is to educate other parents who send their teens off on these types of excursions. I give them a lot of credit for going to the media with this. I can't even imagine their pain. The negligence on the part of the tour guide/company is criminal if it's true the kids should never have been in that area at that time of day with high surf warnings. There's no excuse for leading kids into known danger.

Bruce Apar July 12, 2012 at 04:43 pm

Losing a child is an experience of such enormity, how could you possibly hope to understand their actions unless you -- God forbid -- have been in the same circumstances. Like Tyler's parents, we belong to the world's most exclusive club nobody wants to join: losing a young child. Our 15-year-old, Harrison, passed nine years ago after his third heart surgery, due to dwarfism, but even I cannot begin to imagine the bottomless pain of a parent losing a child in an accident that, from afar, seems so preventable. I would never presume to question why such parents act as they do in the aftermath because -- even had we not lost our son -- it's common sense to realize their behavior is informed by an extreme state of shock. Will someone please explain to me how someone like you can be so glibly judgmental of people whose world has been devastated beyond all reason, and at the same time not have the decency to put your actual name on your callous judgment? If talking it out in the media is part of the therapy of trying to come to grips with the unthinkable, the real question is why that bothers you so. Get a life, anon-person. It's something they never will be able to do for the son who's gone forever.

10506er July 12, 2012 at 04:44 pm

Heron: My point exactly: they probably are incredibly angry and for that reason, it behooves them NOT to be on the media. Let things settle. Find a focus. As for these parents warning others: no outing company, no matter how good, is immune to accidents. Reports seem to vary from this young boy going off on his own to being abandoned by his group leaders. Seems to me you can't publicly indite any company because you THINK something was wrong. Hence, I'd stay off TV until my legal ducks were in a row. Just my way, not that others don't have a varying opinion.

10506er July 12, 2012 at 04:50 pm

Bruce: I don't know why you felt you had to pick on me. Lavender and Heron also have screen names. I am sorry for your loss but my opinion counts as much as the opposing. No need to get angry.

Theresa July 12, 2012 at 04:53 pm

Stop judging the parents. It's cruel. Just stop.

Leslie Lawler July 12, 2012 at 05:01 pm

@Bruce. As you well know from your experience in the journalism industry, we are now living in a society where most folks feel they are judge, jury and expert on all topics and experiences known to man. These same folks forget, or choose to ignore the fact, that when they point a finger, the other four fingers are pointing at themselves. The posts themselves, "authored" by anonymous whatevers, are testament to this sad state of society. No compassion, no words of comfort -- just judgment.
There but for the grace of God. Your post was a perfect arrow and you hit the bullseye. Harrison is beaming with pride.

BG7 July 12, 2012 at 05:12 pm

If I lost a child I don't think I'd be doing anything remotely sane for years. How anyone can judge these poor people?

Lavender July 12, 2012 at 05:27 pm

I don't think money necessarily plays into it. I think these people (and I'm talking in general about these sorts of situations, not just the Madoff's) are in such a firestorm of grief, pain and anger over what happened that they're just trying to roll with what's happening, not going out of their way to make anything happen. I don't think anybody is consciously thinking "Ooh, I'll go on the Today Show and tell the world what happened" so much as the Today Show contacting *them*, so they take that opportunity to vent some of the feelings that are overwhelming them, in hopes that it might prevent another family going through a similar tragedy.
As for your final point, I agree that a story that has merit now will have merit later, but that's not necessarily how the media thinks. They're into the "scoops", the hot news trending now, not something that happened in the past. Sure, they'll have families on that have started a foundation or some other organization out of a tragedy that has hit their family, but it doesn't have the same attraction (and therefore, ratings) that a hot new story happening now does. I don't agree with this thinking, but that's the reality of it.

Bruce Apar July 12, 2012 at 05:45 pm

Leslie, nicely put, though it's unfortunate we're preaching to the choir while others choose to remain tone deaf to common civility. It's encouraging that some major media outlets are doing away with anonymous posts, which serve as safe harbor for those allergic to the daylight of disclosure. What's a personal opinion worth that isn't associated with a real person? Here's the answer: ________.

10506er July 12, 2012 at 07:04 pm

Bruce: I choose not to disclose my name because you would recognize it. I lost a child a couple of years ago, in a car accident, killed by a drunken driver. I did not go to the press. Your equation of being anonymous to being allergic to disclosure is plain and simply wrong. Great that YOU choose to display your name and your personal problems, but I choose not to. That does NOT make my opinions any less valuable than yours. You are bullying me and I don't like it one bit.

Heron July 12, 2012 at 07:58 pm

So you have been in the same circumstances as these parents, and I guess that's why you feel so strongly about how they are reacting. i'm sorry to hear about your child. It's so painful, and I don't know how I would find strength or what I would do.

laura July 14, 2012 at 02:58 pm

While, I feel badly for the family and I cannot imagine what they are going through I think that by going on News first and saying that they had no intention of suing and then 48 hours later going on every other program threatening to sue invites criticism from the public. If they did not mention the suing I think that there may be less criticism.